Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize