I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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