the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
