there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
