capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
