IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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