Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
