Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
