I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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