Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
