Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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