Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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