She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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