I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
