In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
