you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
