Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
