Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
