Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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