I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
