I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
