i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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