sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize