I just pynch a tree in the face
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
