whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
