too bad you live with your parents still
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he thought i was a dude.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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