After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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