the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
