Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
