he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
