Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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