So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
