Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize