That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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