puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
