you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
