I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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