i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize