omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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