I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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