Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I need to stop coming to work sober
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize