You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
