on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
