maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sorry about my life...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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