1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
