they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
