It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
