I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
