There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
