I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize