your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Boobs are out for the taking
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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