if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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