My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
