I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I will be naked everywhere
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
