My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
