carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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