I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
