On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
