yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
