don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You need a sexual gate keeper
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
