My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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