I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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