I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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