Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
