I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
