i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
