I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
