i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
