i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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