this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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