i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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