Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
