so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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