my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
