Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
