just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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