Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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