your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
