For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
