im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am spending my child support on dildos
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Even my vagina gasped.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
