six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
