dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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