its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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