would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
