did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
