next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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