lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
