We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
