i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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