he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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