i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize