How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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