No awkward lesbian experiences without me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
